Why It’s Good to Vent Anger At Your Partner From Time to Time

Guest Post
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Image by Chloe Fynn

Relationships are complicated at the best of times.

The moments of happiness and romance are invariably interspersed with episodes of wanton misunderstanding and seething rage.

If you’ve had a bad day at work the last thing you want to come home to is a pile of dirty dishes, an unmade bed and a totally unsympathetic partner.

But occasionally it all gets too much and a situation can escalate beyond seeing red to harboring murderous machinations and inventive uses for sharp kitchen utensils.

But it’s good to have a rant and rave and turn the air blue once in a while – even experts have recommended it!

And for any women who prefer to bottle it up and say nothing just to keep avoid upsetting the applecart, here are a few good and justifiable reasons why it’s fine to have a moan at your man.

It’s Healthy for Any Relationship

I’ve always been suspicious of elderly couples who have attributed their long-lasting marriage to never having had a crossed word. To me, that just doesn’t make sense.

Relationships are, or should be, about ALL aspects of human emotions – love, passion, hate, jealousy, frustration, anger. It’s a melting pot of feelings.

And a good, ol’ fashioned tirade every once in a while blows away some of the cobwebs that have probably been festering for some time.

It Clears the Air

Though it’s never nice to have a blazing row or verbal altercation with your partner, the long term effects far outweigh the negative ones.

Of course initially there may be frosty looks and sulks aplenty, but once the dust has settled and equilibrium restored, you’ll both feel so much better for it.

A Relationship is About the Two of You!

While you’d think the epithet of a relationship being a two-way street is de rigueur in any partnership, you’d be surprised at how often it’s not.

Occasionally – and this goes for women too – it’s easy for one to take the other for granted. Don’t let it happen.

Both sides should make an effort. If they don’t, say something.

Does Someone Need Putting in their Place?

Again, this can apply just as much to a woman, but occasionally it’s imperative that a partner is put in their place and told a few cold, bare facts. I mean, who else is going to say it?

If things are left unsaid for too long it can create tension and simmering unpleasantness. What’s the point? A partnership should be a – mostly – pleasant union, perhaps even more so if there’s a newborn involved.

Follow your instincts. If something’s bothering you and you think it should be said, chances are it should.

Vent Only When Necessary

Probably the most crucial one. If I find myself imagining strangling my husband with the holiday decorations after some oafish things he has said, then I normally try and take a time out before I approach him.

As with most things in life, it’s all about moderation. Excess in anything generates the law of diminishing returns and lessens the impact.

And as much as I get gratification putting my husband in his place as I do regaling the benefits of insulated cavity closer on a home design project, I can’t – and there would be no point to – do it all the time.

Things are no more sweets and lollipops than they are verbal lashings and vitriol. There has to be a happy medium.

What do you do to metaphorically slap your chap in to shape?

Louise Blake is a new mum, aspiring writer and Design Account Manager.  Her interests range from architecture to pilates and taking her dogs for long walks.  She recommends ambius.com for any decorations you need in time for Christmas.


  1. My hubby forgot my birthday on Dec. 5 when I turned 51. His excuse? He said I looked so young that he didn’t realize I was getting older. Now, how could I be angry with him? I won the lottery with this one- 15 years of marriage and still on my honeymoon!

  2. I definitely pick my battles when it comes to speaking up. I can’t imagine saying something every single time my husband did something that annoyed me.

  3. I agree that it’s a good thing to vent anger on occasion. It can not be healthy to hold things in. If you do not let your partner know that something he or she is doing bothers you, then how will they ever know?
    It’s best not to bottle it up too long or it may one day come out in a way that is far worse! (I wouldn’t recommend the strangling with Christmas decorations! lol)

  4. it is not anger i vent to my husband it is a point of view.if you do not do it they think they can walk all over you and that is not good we will be married 25 years next year.thank you for letting us enter your giveaways and post our opinions

  5. I’ve always been quick to speak my mind, but as I’ve gotten older, I try to weigh the situation by choosing my battles carefully. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff. 🙂

  6. Oh yeah, you have to let it out! Me and my husband have little arguments for a couple minutes then it is over !

  7. it is good to let it out, if not how will your partner know how and what makes you happy

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