My Body Has A Mind Of Its Own

image Food. This one little, one syllable word is HUGE in my life. At least I've finally admitted it. This past Sunday was my birthday, and I spent some time in self-reflection… and it wasn't all pretty.

For the last three years I've slowly become more and more addicted to food. To the act of eating food. The comfort. It's the one thing I have complete control over. I'd never had trouble with my weight before. When I graduated high school, I weighed a whopping 82 lbs. Yes, you heard correctly – 82 pounds. I never hit the 3-digits until I was 24-years-old.

This was the early to mid-eighties, and I'd never heard the word anorexia before – because I'm certain that everyone would have be certain I suffered from it. I didn't. I never even thought about my body, really. I ate, and ate well. I was extremely active, and at the time, blessed with a very active metabolism. Fast forward to today… I think it's the complete opposite.

I won't say how much I weigh today. When I lose down to my goal weight, I'll tell you then. I just can't bear to say it now. Yet, at the same time, I'm so mad at myself for not being able to be okay with the way I look today. I mean, I'm not unhealthy.

Or am I? Physically, the extra weight hasn't taken it's toll on me… yet. However, being addicted to food (or anything for that matter) is unhealthy. I know I said, that food was the one thing I felt like I had complete control over, but I realized during my "self-reflection" that I didn't have control at all. The addiction to food had control over me.

And that is not acceptable to me.

I must take control back. To be perfectly honest, I'm not totally sure how I'm going to do this, yet, but admitting you have a problem is the first (and hardest part) step, right?

So, I'll share with you the what, when, why, and how's of my personal battle with my food addiction. And I hope you'll share with me your stories. Hopefully we can teach and learn from each other.

As for today, I'm taking baby steps. And I hope you'll join me.