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Harry, My Cat Died: Twelve of Twitter’s Finest

Donna Chaffins

Guest Post

For those new to Twitter, it can be a bit of a minefield: as my dad put it, “you can just talk to celebrities?” In a nutshell, yes. Sadly, this doesn’t mean they’ll talk back though (honestly Ryan Gosling, get it together please).

You have instant access to everyone you admire, and everyone you don’t, closing the gap between us ordinary people, and those with perfect teeth, perfect hair and perfect lives. However, with this no holds barred access, you may quickly begin to realise that your idol is a bit of an idiot. He’s boring, he’s got awful political views – or even worse, he can’t spell.

So, stop wasting your time following people who’ll have nothing to add to your timeline, minus shameless plugs, and take a look at these geniuses, who will most definitely bring a smile to your day (note: you may notice the sheer volume of cat-related tweets/accounts. Welcome to the internet).

From the funny to the fake, you’ll quickly realise that even though you came to follow the famous-in-the-real-world, the famous-in-Twitter-land are hilarious, insightful, and far more addictive.

1. Stephen Fry @stephenfry

For a combination of cultural delights, witty one-liners, and political and social opinions, Stephen Fry is a necessity on anyone’s Twitter timeline. Always happy to help causes he believes in, retweeting articles, posting pictures, videos and songs, his tweets are always something of substance.

2. Caitlin Moran @caitlinmoran

Feminist, columnist, author, and all-round super person: Caitlin Moran is a must-have on any follow list, purely just for her near-end-of-deadline deliriousness. Switching between serious issues and celebrities/pans/music/Bruce Springsteen at the press of a button, Moran’s timeline is a wonderful mix of acerbic wit, beautiful metaphors, and heartfelt replies to friends and followers.@

3. Why My Cat Is Sad @MYSADCAT

Aloof, intelligent and unloving are perhaps the most common adjectives used to describe cats: not so much sad. We weren’t even sure that cats could even look sad – until we saw The Bear. From reasons such as “he was once sacked from a job he loved for ‘looking like a black furry sack of failed hope’” to “I told him his followers shot up over the weekend and now he’s worried you’re all on heroin”, there are plenty of causes for this cat being melancholy.

4. Harry, My Cat Died @HarryMyCatDied

One of the most dangerous territories on Twitter is One Direction. Not a day goes past without a band member, song title, or girlfriend trending, and if you mistakenly jump on a hashtag in a less than complimentary way, you’ll find yourself inundated by death threats from teenaged girls. One brave soul who entered this world stumbled across a bizarre phenomenon: fans tweeting Harry Styles after the death of their cat/dog/hamster/family member.

5. Very Short Story @VeryShortStory

Time’s precious in this day and age, so get your literary fix from Very Short Story. An entire story is told in under 140 characters, as well as characters, a history, and a sense of loss. Their brevity only adds to the brilliance: not many 200-page books can achieve the mix of feelings these short stories evoke. Other authors, such as P.S I Love You creator, Cecelia Ahern has joined in, and tweets her own short stories.

6. VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish

Living in a country full of rigid etiquette rules, a penchant for the weather, and an inability to speak bluntly, has resulted in the worryingly precise VeryBritishProblems. Half of them you won’t realise you do, and the other half will make you ever so slightly relieved that you’re not the only one who does it.

7. EverydaySexism @EverydaySexism

Created by Laura Bates, the Everyday Sexism project has exploded over social media, encouraging people to #ShoutBack against sexism. Stories range from street harassment, to harassment on public transport, encouraging rape culture, and online abuse. A recent campaign against disgusting shirts being sold on eBay (reading ‘Sometimes no means yes’ and ‘Feeling rapey’), resulted in eBay removing the products. Get involved with this life-changing project, and start standing up and shouting back.

8. Kelly Oxford @kellyoxford

This Canadian author and screenwriter tweets everything from insights from her (perhaps accidentally) hilarious family, to her own equally witty quips. Not afraid to share her opinions with anyone, ranging from Kanye West to Julia Robert’s teeth, her dry, slightly sarcastic sense of humour is well worth having on any timeline.

9. WaterstonesOxfordSt @WstonesOxfordSt

“A bookshop!” We hear you cry, “A bookshop can’t be funny!” …and that is exactly where you’re wrong. The Oxford Street branch of Waterstone’s has a genius team working their Twitter account, making it funnier than about 80% of the registered comedians online. From short stories to in-jokes, you’ll discover a whole new side of bookselling.

10. Alain de Botton @alaindebotton

Writer and philosopher Alain de Botton may not be as dramatic or amusing as others on this list, but his profound perceptions on daily life, the meaning of everything, and things you didn’t even realise other people did, are fascinating. Strive to be as complex and deep-thinking as him, and you may end up changing your entire outlook on life.

11. Jon Snow @jonsnowC4

Legendary Channel 4 news broadcaster, Jon Snow, is as fantastic on Twitter as he is on the television. An informative and though provoking tweeter, Snow is a great place to start getting involved with social and global issues. Plus, he does a brilliant cover of Parklife.

12. Elizabeth Windsor @Queen_UK

So she probably isn’t the real Liz, but we all wish she was. Tweeting royal and political opinions on everything in the news, the majority of her followers would greatly prefer her to be running the country. Hilarious, dry and undoubtedly a national treasure, Her Royal Highness provides a wonderful, if (hopefully not) unrealistic look behind palace doors.

This post was written by John Philips from SSLs a reseller of SSL certificates from the likes of Comodo, GeoTrust and VeriSign. For more information please visit ssls.com.

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