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Moms Get Jealous When Dads Are Better

By: Donna Chaffins | Date: September 26, 2008 | Categories: Family and Health, Random Thoughts and Conversations

PT1008.standard On the Today Show this morning, September 26, 2008, they were discussing the Parenting magazine article on Why Good Dads Make Moms Jealous

I will admit to a twinge of jealousy from time to time when my son prefers my husband over me.  However, I think it is wonderful that my husband wants to be a hands-on dad.

According to todayshow.com,

Today's dads spend 21.7 hours a week on childcare and related duties like shopping and housework, up 9 hours from 30 years ago, according to research by the University of Maryland.  We moms say we want our spouses to be do-it-all dads: We're forward-thinking women of the 21st century. Besides, if they did less, we couldn't possibly juggle our busy lives without going nuts.

Although moms confess "We don't ever want to be pushed off that throne of being Mommy."

I guess some women's egos get the best of them.  We as women, have come so far and are so used to having to do everything (in many cases) that it's hard to let go and not be in charge or "be the best" at everything. 

Sometimes we have to relinquish some of our power.  This is something I finally realized… and it has turned out to be a good thing in our family. 

See I wanted my husband to help more and be an active participant in parenting our son.  Luckily, my husband also wanted to be an active dad from the start.  The thing is that when he did parent, I would find fault in it.  What I mean is that I was being too picky…  I knew (in my mind) that I could do it better.

Come to find out… sometimes I couldn't do it better.  In fact, sometimes daddy actually did it better!  Much to my dismay.  So I started backing off and letting him do things the way he chose to do them.

Now 5 years later we have it down to a science, well not exactly, but it does work for us.  There are things that he does better, or my son prefers his daddy to do; and there are some things that he prefers his mommy do.  The other things… well, we just take turns. 

I am very happy that over the years men have stepped up and are taking their role as dads more seriously.  I know my husband is the best!  Now if I could just get him to clean the bathroom.

I would love to hear how you feel about this topic.  Hope to hear from you!

0 Responses to Moms Get Jealous When Dads Are Better

  1. Ben says:

    I think it’s ironic, women put so much pressure on us men they don’t even realize, and when we meet their expectations, they become envious. I believe that the problem is modern feminism, which seems to be teaching women that they need to compete with men. Oldschool feminism was great, it was about voting rights and equal rights. Today, feminism seems to be trying to create an army of women who want to ‘be better’ than men, and get huffy and upset when they feel they aren’t winning. Maybe this is why divorce rates are increasingly higher and higher.

  2. Jason says:

    I think it’s great that us dads are finally being recognized. I think a lot of men out there are discouraged about the way men are portrayed in the media, especially television commercials, as incompetent slobs. I believe that the reality is that most dads are able to juggle work and parenting extraordinarily well. Women have spent a lot of effort in an attempt to prove that they can do our jobs, it’s important I think for them to see that we can do theirs too! It’s time to breathe male empowerment back into the mainstream, the feminists have had their day!

  3. @Ben: You have a point but I don’t necessarily agree with you on the problem being "modern feminism". For so many years women had to do it all; especially when it came to inside the home and child rearing. I’ve noticed over the last few years a big shift in the roles of men and women. More and more men are working from home or stay at home dads. I applaud these men! As for feminism playing a part in the increasing divorce rates: there are so many reasons couples get divorced but one reason may be the opposite of yours – men are intimidated by powerful women, especially if they earn more money than they do.

  4. @Jason: You are right most men are as capable of taking care of a home and children as any women. I know my husband is one of those men. I think husbands/dads should lift up and support the women in their lives and women/moms should lift up and support the men in theirs. It is a give and take and a lot of compromise. It shouldn’t be a competition!

  5. @Ben: I don’t know why but I can’t see the video. However, this is a despicable thing for a mother to do. There are bad mothers and bad fathers out there. Getting back on topic, though, my post was not in any way trashing dads/men. In fact, my article was a positive reflection on men.

  6. Ben says:

    I know, I deviated from the original topic, I was talking about the overextension of feminism in society that I mentioned in my first comment; you disagreed, so I provided some supporting evidence. I was providing examples of what I percieve to be a growing societal problem: the masculization of women and the feminization of men due to the overextension of the feminist movement. You also said that you thought that men were intimidated by powerful women. I said in a previous comment (which you did not post) that that is simply untrue. I gave the example of Hillary’s wide support among men. I believe that men have deeply supported women’s quest for self-actualization and power. If there are men who are intimidated by powerful women, they are very few – the exception to the mainstream. Modern feminism, however, believes otherwise; it portrays women as victims who must compete with men in a male-dominated society. Modern feminism is teaching women that femininity is weak and that women therefore should become more like men by assuming roles of dominance in the workforce and in the family. This invalidates the femininity of women as well as the masculinity of men. It turns women against themselves, and against men. It also seeks to make men feel guilty for their masculinity. The affects of this can be seen in how male and female children are treated today. So many times, I have seen parents and teachers encourage girls, while actually actively discouraging boys. They give girls empowering emotional support that they no longer give to boys, apparently assuming that boys don’t need it. The effects of this can be seen in the school system. Girls are outperforming boys, not because the performance of girls is increasing, but because the performance of boys is decreasing. This has been an increasing trend over the past two decades, as the neo-feminist movement has steadily gained power. It has gotten to the point where some people believe that women are more intelligent than men- an incorrect assumption which is disproven by IQ tests. In fact, IQ tests repeatedly demonstrate that in any given population, across all incomes and cultures, men are 3-5 IQ points on average more intelligent than women. A google search will confirm this. So why the failure of men and boys in schools? I believe, quite strongly, that it is because of the overreaction and overextension of the feminist movement in mainstream culture. Women and girls are simply shown more support and encouragement… at the expense of boys and men.

  7. @Ben: I don’t know of which comment you speak because I have approved all your comments with the exception of the one before this one in which you stated I didn’t need to post it. If you want to re-post it I will be glad to post it.

    You are entitled to your opinion and on this subject we will have to agree to disagree. 🙂

  8. James says:

    @Ben – [quote]I believe that the problem is modern feminism, which seems to be teaching women that they need to compete with men[/quote]

    Given the current job market, i would have to stand and argue that women do indeed have to compete with men. Which is as it should be, since the best person for the job, regardless of ethnic or gender makeup, should get the job.

    This in no way makes a woman less of a woman, nor does it make a man less of a man. If anything, a real man would stand up and be glad for the challenge, if indeed there is one – it is a great oppourtunity for growth. Not whine about it.

    (Also, consider, when you write something, put a few paragraphs in it – makes it so much easier to read.)

  9. @James: I agree the best "person" should get the job – at the same pay rate. 🙂

  10. Ben says:

    James, I wasn’t speaking about the job market specifically, but about the basic cultural changes in the perception of what it means to be female or male. Feminism today isn’t only about jobs, it is about relationships between men and women, and about how men and women are treated and portrayed differently due to societal pressure. Sexual discrimination has had a reversal in direction, not only in the job market, but in education. I wasn’t referring to myself, or ‘whining’. I myself am financially secure, thanks. Please don’t make assumptions. I’m sorry you don’t like my long paragraphs…

  11. Ben says:

    Donna, I’m not sure what happened to the comment that I left that got lost; it wasn’t the one that I said not to post. In that one I was just asking for the one which I guess got lost to be posted.

    But I’m interested to know what I said that you disagreed with. Do you believe that women should have more opportunities than men or that boys should be less supported than girls? Maybe you believe that feminism itself is not responsible for these concerning cultural changes? What Jason said about media is a prime example. It’s difficult NOT to find examples of this phenomenon.

    Equal pay and equal opportunities is fantastic. The point that I’m making is that feminism isn’t putting on the brakes after achieving those things. It wants MORE. It doesn’t just want women to be winners, it wants men to be loosers. The anger of these feminists that I keep hearing and encountering is destructive, not creative, beneficial, or good for society. If feminism continues on this course, I believe that if anything, women risk loosing legitimacy and the power they have attained so far.

  12. @Ben: first let me say that I think that most men are wonderful! I have a supportive husband and a son that we are raising to be a confident and secure boy (man). I am a women, so speaking as a women, I find it important to support women and female causes. I however, do not knock men. In fact all the women I know are very appreciative of the men in their lives.

    The females you encounter may be different, I don’t know. As for "I believe that the problem is modern feminism, which seems to be teaching women that they need to compete with men" … we live in a competitive society – in the workplace, sports, etc. I think women compete against each other far more than we do men.

    As an example, women feel competitive as mothers: they feel pressure to be "super mom". As I said we will agree to disagree.

  13. Ben says:

    I agree, most men are great, and most women are too. Most women don’t have the destructive anti-man attitudes that are hurting society, only the ones I’ve encountered who call themselves ‘Feminists’. That’s why I say that feminism, whether or not you agree, has gotten way off track. The problem is, their attitudes are affecting the mainstream. You like to argue with my quote that feminism is teaching women to compete with men by pointing out that it is a competitive society with a competitive workplace… but you’re missing the overall point: modern feminism is no longer about equal power. It has twisted, changed, and become a new animal. What I am seeing, more and more, is that feminism is a vehicle for anti-male sentiment for angry women. These may not be your attitudes. But they are the attitudes of many women. And it’s hurting everybody.

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